Twice an immigrant. Twice the bittersweetness.
I grew up in the United States. I speak English, obviously. I missed the food, the familiarity, and most of all my family. But…I long for Italy. I miss speaking Italian. I took it so for granted. I never spoke it in the home, because why would I? I didn’t want to forget English. And now plagued with English everyday all day, I miss it. I long to speak Italian. I took so much for granted living in Italy, the food (again I love food), the people, and the beaches. I wanna be speaking Italian and going to the beach. I want my f’ing coffee to cost .50 euro not 5 USD. *cries in poverty* (writing doesn’t pay well…)
I also miss not needing a car. But, I also love the freedom of having a car. The ability to drive and just go anywhere you want not relying on train schedules or bus schedules. Yet, I love being able to walk places and take trains where I don’t need to think, I can just sleep or play games. I like writing on the train. I liked my tiny apartment. It was mine. It still is. Just far away.
I have no home…but also at the same time I am home. I am home with my family. Again, my home is also in Italy…where my apartment is. My little piece of Sicily that I own. I paid for it. No one can take it away. It’s mine. And it is so sad and I feel lonely in a place no longer my own. But also, I am home with my family and my friends. I have missed them so dearly. I felt so alone in Italy. Now cursed to feel lonely in a place with my people. I am home. I am lost. I am twice the immigrant. I have twice the bittersweetness.
I guess I will just have to learn another language and make a new home then. *makes thinking face and rubs forehead* Why the h*ll not? The world is open and I can go where I please. I have two passports. I have two home countries. And I pick up languages like a kid eating cake at their first birthday.
Allora, forse studiero…Tedesco? Spagnolo? I did already study three years of Spanish and a year of German. Hmm…
To all of you out there…I know there’s a lot of us Americans that have this experience among many others…We are not alone. We are all out here twice the immigrant and dealing with twice the bittersweetness. It’s ok to be homesick for places not your home and be homesick in your home. I hope you get the chance to visit and it helps. I hope you feel at home and feel safe wherever that is.
Lots of Love,
Liz. Elisa. And all my future nicknames.
BethAshlei 
Growing up an Italian-American with many traditions of both Napoli and Sicilia I never really understood what it meant to be anything but this. Then I visited Italy. I was there just about 3 1/2 months and discovered my real roots of my Italian heritage. When I left, I of course immediately missed my family there but longed to be in my own comfortable, familiar home in the United States but within a day of my return and recovering from jet lag I wanted to go back for the fresh produce daily. With Luigi laughing at my terrible Italian which I had once spoken fluently as a child. I no longer had that childlike sponge ability to learn languages and I depended on google translate to do most of my talking for me or handing my phone to the Italian native only to have the either still look confused or amused by the tranlsation. In any case. I can totally relate to your description of homesickness upon leaving your home and family and then returning with a homesickness for your original culture and traditions in the beautiful music of the Italian world. I truly can’t wait to go back for a trip and someday, just maybe I will be comfortable enough with the language to choose to share my time in both countries again. Thanks for your wonderful post.
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