The problem with an “addiction to shopping” is that you have to shop. You literally have to. If you don’t buy groceries, you won’t eat. If you don’t eat you will starve. SO technically if I don’t shop, I will die. And…that’s the problem with a shopping addiction:
You have to shop.
So how can I do it better? How can I use my love of shopping and not go broke or end up homeless?
Well, I could make more money…but given I am an unemployed writer with a chronic illness…that isn’t a good option. Unless you are in the market for freelance writers in which case I am your girl. Especially if it involves shopping, fashion, or food in some way. My fave things.
Ok. Plan B: spend less money. Ugh the misery. Ok so it is not like I am shopping for groceries at Whole Foods or Wegmans. The discount grocer has become my best friend. And I admit I am sleeping with my enemy: Walmart. Ugh it pains me to even write that I shop there. The way they prey on workers and customers is criminal. And with my precious few dollars I am supporting their greed. You vote with your money you know. In Italy, this wasn’t a problem. We don’t have the evil Walmart there. We have Amazon. But you don’t need to use it. There are so many mom and pop shops you can spend your money easily supporting your own people. Not some greedy monster. Didn’t Walmart get sued for contracting lower quality items that were designed to break after a few months?
*sigh*
Plan C? Is there one? I could write articles on fashion and try to sell them? I’ve been told my writing is good. Wait does your mom count as someone telling you that you are good at something? Or do they have to say this? Crap. They have to say that, don’t they? Moms can never be trusted. I’m sure there is a mother of a serial killer out there saying she still loves him and knows he wouldn’t have done it…Now I am sad. That poor mom. Unless she was a mother dearest. Then maybe we know mother like son eh?
Wait, get back to the point here. How to make more money so that I can buy more stuff? Can I just like “online shop”? You know when you put all the items you want into the cart, then you see the total, and you take all the items out of your cart. God. I have a PROBLEM. No. No. It’s more like: I have a problem.
Just a little something. Just a slight issue. Okay. OKAY. I know how I sound.
So…I can’t spend money on my credit cards…for reasons. We won’t discuss this here. I don’t need that negativity. Leave that on my credit report. That’s another thing, they don’t use credit in Italy. I could… no no. I can’t just rack up debt and bail. Could I…? No. No. No. Not again…I mean no, just no. Not again. *sweats uncontrollably* It’s not like I have done this many times. I could though. Rack up debt. Change my name? Wait. What am I? Some kind of international spy? Lol no. Ok so that isn’t an option for me. Plus, I am too tired to reinvent myself.
Ok so how can I shop, guilt free, and still get the rush? Have I told you about the rush? OMG. It is amazing. Like any addiction, it relies on the production of dopamine and serotonin. And like addiction: it is usually short lived. All that love and happiness fades in a few minutes. You stop getting the waves of endorphins. You feel sad. You come down from the high. Then you crave it. You want to do it again. And again. And. AGAIN. Until it takes everything from you. You are left with nothing and no one. Because, that is how addiction works. You lose yourself.
That got real for a moment. Pretty heavy stuff for a 2000’s style blog. Sorry about that. Let’s get back on track.
So when shopping is necessary, but can trigger a relapse for us addicts, how do you manage it? You can do the method of grocery pickup or deliver. This gives you time to plan and carefully pay for only what you need. It also removes you from the store which in itself can be a place of danger for those that “let the store tell me what I need” people. You know who you are. I know you too well. Target People.
Maybe I will start baking? In a bread machine. Who am I, Martha Stewart? No. I am not. I could bake, but I don’t think it will trigger the same level of dopamine. I could do drugs…? lol imagine. Obviously no. And for legal reasons, yes that was a joke.
Here’s what I can actually do…I can tell other people how to shop and what to buy. I could make profit off it via commissions. I could be a personal shopper or stylist? And if no one buys anything I will still have the joy from my primal need to hunt and gather. Because C’mon, that is what we are doing. We are hunting the best sales and gathering items we deem necessary. We are fulfilling our primal needs to have stuff and things. I need stuff and things because: in a time we aren’t guaranteed anything, we need to have supplies. I am not really sure how my brain logically thinks that the new Chanel handbag will help me in life or survival, but it does. Which is funny because despite me thinking Chanel has taken away my coveted gold buttons, I still NEED Chanel. I need 90’s Chanel specifically, but in my monkey brain; I will take anything I can get.
If you read this far with me…Then yes to answer your question: I do see I have a problem. And yes I know it is a PROBLEM.
Anyway if you see me post shopping posts and videos about fashion, I am in recovery. If you don’t, pray for me. I am in debt.
Love you,
Beth Ashlei
BethAshlei 
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