Everyday with ADHD is a battle to get anything done, well not anything. I am really good at doing stuff that is very low priority in order to avoid the most important tasks. I don’t even feel like writing this right now. And it is pretty low in terms of what I absolutely must do. But still, I persist. And maybe you can see a worsening of my writing when I force myself to write uninspired. One of the greatest things I wrote I believe that it was two in the morning and I was very very drunk. So…I am not sure how that turned out so well, but since it did maybe the problem is lack of inspiration now. I find that I need to work a long time on my goals because I set a lot of goals that involve bettering myself and improving my daily habits.
These daily habit goals are the worst most difficult goals I ever set. And yet, they are so tiny in the grand scheme of things. And I cannot seem to get all of them done at the same time. I try to keep the sink clean and my desk tidy. But if the sink is clean, my desk is untidy. If my desk is tidy the sink has dishes to be done.
The super power of ADHD is that ever so often my OCD takes over and I deep clean everything in a hyper focused hyper fixated mannor. Then after, I just kind of bask in the glory of my magazine-esk home. I gaze at my kitchen so perfectly organised and my desk with all the papers sorted. And then a day later it is ruined by forgetting where a form went that I absolutely need that minute. Of course in my cleaning trance I had forgotten to leave out certain things I will need the following day. And obviously, I will have forgotten where I have put them. So…the glory doesn’t last long and once again I wallow in the agony of a disordered home.
Does everyone have this problem or are some of y’all able to keep your homes tidy always? Even when you are sick? I don’t allow myself many excuses but when my disabilities, yes multiple ughhhh, flair up, I do allow myself to remain in bed until I can walk or move without much pain.
So maybe I am too hard on myself or maybe I just need a cleaning service during a flair up. Who can really say. But, I am too poor for a cleaning service at this time and though I one day hope to be able, it is not something I’ll have access to in the near future. I would, however, love to continue making the Youtube cleaning videos. ( please subscribe) This keeps me motivated and many people have responded saying it made them feel less alone. Which honestly made me feel less alone as well. So that is something that keeps me focused on my goals. Even if my goal is to simply do the f*ing dishes.
BethAshlei 
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